


Something Blue

by Marjorie_Franklin



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-04
Updated: 2015-02-04
Packaged: 2018-03-10 10:37:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3287189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marjorie_Franklin/pseuds/Marjorie_Franklin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On wedding days, the Fire Nation looked to the future with optimism and joy. On Zuko's wedding day, Katara delved into their past with a heavy heart and prepared to relive the sacrifice she made when the war ended, when Sozin's Comet left the tarnished sky, when the firelilies died...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Blue

Everything was blanketed in red but this didn’t surprise her. Apparently, even Fire Nation weddings were coated in crimson but since she hadn’t been in the Fire Nation in a while, the red seemed more pronounced. It practically screamed at her. 

The wedding would be held outside underneath a sky of glowing, orange lanterns. There was a sea of tables and chairs covered in vermillion tablecloths. That would be where she would sit when Zuko and Mai exchanged vows. The candles would be lit; she would sit next to Aang, and watch as Mai walked up the isle that parted the sea of tables and chairs. 

When they reach the palace, lots of people were already there and, of course, everyone has a fit to greet the Avatar. Smiling, Katara greets hoard after hoard of people as they attempt to navigate their way through the palace. 

Aang insisted they come early. He wanted to see Zuko before the wedding. Katara wanted a chance to see him too but she won’t breathe a word of that to anyone. She was still wrestling with the debate of whether or not she will face him… 

Iroh was the first familiar face they came into contact with. He looked downright jolly as he closed in on them, shouting greetings and offering embraces. 

“Where’s Zuko?” Aang inquired and looked around for the Fire Lord in question. 

Katara didn’t offer to look. Politely, she ignored the subject. Those who didn’t know any better would think her behavior was a show of her lingering contempt of the man she once hated. They would be wrong. 

When the war ended, when Sozin's comet left the tarnished sky, when the firelilies died, they did not part as friends, things were promised in blood, they had sinned.

* * *

Ty Lee was scampering around the room with several other women, including Mai’s mother and Azula’s old advisors, Lo and Li. All of them were frantic as they tried to get the future Fire Lady ready for her big day. 

Katara hesitated and backed away from the room instantly only to collide into Aang’s towering form. 

“I’m going to go with Iroh to find Zuko. You should go congratulate Mai for us,” he whispered into her ear, his hands on her shoulders.  

Aang smirked and nudged her further into the room. “You aren’t afraid, are you?” 

Katara tensed and glared back at him. Unfortunately, the Avatar knew how to motivate her, just like he knew _why_ she didn’t want to go into that room. Aang knew but he was so understanding it only intensified her guilt. However, it had also made confiding in him and finding comfort in him easier. It made loving him easier. 

Briefly, Katara wondered if Iroh knew. The perturbed and knowing expression on his face that she was trying her damnedest to ignore suggested he did know. Iroh, like so many others, was too polite to let on. After all, it had been years. Why would anyone care any more? It was old news, something that had been buried and deemed taboo, something to know in the back of one’s mind but to never be spoken of in broad daylight. It was something to be whispered about in dark alleyways or at social gatherings. 

“Of course not,” she grumbled. 

Aang chuckled, his laugh so deep that it was no longer recognizable. The laughter faded and then he was gone. There was nothing left to do except suck it up and go inside. The moose-lions were hungry for her… 

Katara entered the room stoically and everyone’s eyes fell on her. Inhaling deeply, she waited for someone, _anyone_ to speak and stop staring at her like she had lemurs flying out of her ears. Maybe she should have worn red instead of blue after all. She made sure to dress modestly to cloak her faded sins but apparently, she should have worn red as well. 

“Katara!” Ty Lee exclaimed and ran towards her. “You made it!” 

A part of Katara would always flinch when Ty Lee approached her. Her first instinct would always be to go for her waterskin when she made any sudden movement but she managed to refrain. She wasn’t wearing her waterskin anyway. 

Ty Lee embraced her and Katara returned the favor. After Ty Lee made the first move, the rest of the women in the room followed suit. Some were friendlier than others as Katara made her way to the bride in the center of the room. 

Mai’s mother bobbed her head in silent acknowledgement and Lo and Li chose to glare at her, likely remembering the last time they saw her. Lo and Li saw Katara as a threat to their pure traditions and that she should be burned to a crisp quickly. 

They had nothing to worry about. Katara had not thought about doing anything to jeopardize the royal family’s ways in a long time. 

Halfway to Mai, Katara realized what room she was in and had a mild panic attack. Sweat budded on her back and her spine stiffened. This was _the_ room. This was the room she and Zuko retreated to after the Agni Kai with Azula. This was where she and the healers hovered over him and begged him to live, where he floated in and out of consciousness, where he called for her to come back to his side if she got too far from him. This was also the room where she decided she would bow out gracefully. This was where she backed down and decided she would give him back to the woman who loved him first. 

Of all the rooms for Mai to get ready in, why in the name of Tui and La did she have to get ready in this one! 

“Hi, Katara,” Mai greeted softly, elegantly, the trinkets in her hair chiming as she moved. 

Mai’s jet-black hair was mounted atop her head and flowers and small ornaments ran through the river of black, framing her face, such was Fire Nation tradition, a tradition that would have looked out of place were it on her instead… 

“Hello, Mai. You look lovely. Congratulations.” Katara smiled and bowed before giving her a brief and quick embrace. She bowed to be on the safe side. No, Mai wasn’t anything other than a noblewoman, _yet_ and she had become what could almost be called a friend after the war but she was still engaged to the Fire Lord and was a few words away from being Fire Lady. 

“Thank you.” 

Just like that, it was over. Like ripping off a bandage. They said nothing else, and probably wouldn’t say anything else. They coexisted for the sake of mutual friends. They often shared the same space and respected one another but the friendship could only go so far. 

The women descended like lion-vultures, pushing Katara away from the bride so they could continue working on their masterpiece. Apparently, Mai still had a lot of pampering to endure. Not for the first time, Katara was glad she wasn’t in Mai’s shoes. She couldn’t stand all this poking and prodding. 

Katara retreated to the farther end of the room where she would be out of the way and away from the women giving her knowing looks. She wondered if they knew, and if they did, how much did they know. She often wondered the same of Mai but Katara knew she knew… 

_“Your twitching is distracting,” Zuko grumbled, his brow creasing._

_“Sorry.” She tried her best to stop shifting in place on the desk he was working at but it was challenging. She was anxious. Aang still wasn’t back and she had been cooped up in the palace since the Agni Kai. She ached to get off the palace grounds._

_The past few days had been miserable. Mai was back, Zuko was recovering and slipping into Fire Lord duties, and there wasn’t a place for her here anymore. Zuko didn’t need her healing abilities anymore and deep down she knew he didn’t need **her** anymore. They had spoken their peace and she wouldn’t disrupt it no matter how much she wanted to._

_She wanted nothing more than to kiss him and feel him against her, whispering sweet nothings to her but she wouldn’t do that anymore. They were trying to wean themselves off each other and she couldn’t jeopardize the progress they made. She wouldn’t make this any harder than it already was._

_Zuko stopped writing and looked at her for a long-suffering moment, his expression blank and completely unreadable. She gazed back and tried to read his thoughts. She failed._

_“Want to go for a walk?”_

_“Yes!” she said much too quickly, clamping her hands together in front of her in excitement._

_The corner of Zuko’s mouth almost twitched into a grin. “All right. Give me a moment to finish up this set of documents, then I will join you.”_

_Katara nodded and slipped off the desk. She made it halfway out the doorway before crashing into a tall, slender frame. Eyes of gray steel locked onto her and her breath snagged in her throat._

_Katara knew Mai was there and Mai knew she was there but neither had stumbled upon the other directly until now. They had done a good job of visiting Zuko in parallel intervals but Katara knew it was only a matter of time before they collided._

_Neither spoke as they stared each other down for a painful moment before Katara eventually broke the eye contact and gracefully glided around the knife slinger._

_Katara retreated into the atrium outside Zuko’s room and lingered there so she could listen to Mai’s robes rustle as she entered._

_The good girl in Katara told her to leave. The girl who saved villages, aided the Avatar, and refused to turn her back on those who needed her told her to leave. But the girl who stole the waterbending scroll, who was jealous of the Avatar, and used bloodbending on an innocent man she thought was Yon Rha told her to stay and listen._

_Katara stayed and listened._

_“You’re different,” Mai said._

_A beat. “Bad different?”_

_“No. Just different.”_

_Silence._

_“The Water Tribe girl…”_

_“Katara,” Zuko corrected._

_“Katara…” Mai choked out. “Did something happen between you and her? **Is** something happening between you and her? The servants are talking...”_

_Katara could tell there was likely a rift between them that had not been there before. She knew nothing of their relationship outside of what Zuko had told her in passing but she could still feel the gap, the disconnect. Poor Mai hardly knew how to talk to him anymore…_

_The sound of a pen being thrown resonated around them. Zuko had apparently given up on his work._

_“It will probably be best to leave what happened while I was training the Avatar in the past.”_

_“That’s fine but what is going on right now isn’t the past. I’m talking about what started while you were with the Avatar and is **still** going on. I’m talking about what happened while we were apart that has followed you back.”_

_“I don’t want to hurt you, Mai… I’ve hurt you enough.”_

_“If we are gong to make this work, you are going to have to talk to me. If you have something going on with her then tell me so I can stop wasting both our time and leave.”_

_More silence._

_“Katara will be with the Avatar. What happened between us will not change that. Katara and I cannot be together.”_

_“But you want to be with her. If you could have your way—“_

_“Why do you want me to say things that you know will hurt you?!” Zuko was losing his temper._

_“Because I want the truth, Zuko!”_

_Zuko wouldn’t give it to her. Katara couldn’t see but she could envision his jaw clenching, his fists balling as he stubbornly held his tongue._

_“You’re such a coward.” For the first time, Katara heard Mai’s voice waver. “Look at yourself, you’re shaking.”_

_“What do you want me to tell you?!” Katara flinched at the sound of Zuko’s roar. “Do you want me to tell you that I **haven’t** been sleeping with her? That I **don’t** care about her? That a part of me **doesn’t** want to give everything up so I can be with her? Did you ever think that maybe I wasn’t ready to have this conversation with you while she is still in the damn palace!? While I am still trying to come to terms with what I’ve done and what I have to do? I was going to tell you, Mai. I was. Out of the love I have for you and out of respect for our relationship I planned on telling you everything but I’m not ready to.”_

_“I’m sorry… I wasn’t—I didn’t… It was just hard realizing that something happened while you were away and I think a part of me knew it before I ever came back here… I knew the moment I heard that you took lightning for her. I knew you would change by going with them but I didn’t think anything like this would happen.”_

_“I didn’t plan for it to if that makes you feel any better.”_

_Mai chuckled dryly, flatly. “It doesn’t.”_  

Despite her better judgment, she sat in the same chair she sat in that night. Of course, it was the only one available. Of course, she would have to sit in the chair she sat in when the healers and Fire Sages pushed her away from him so they could pray over him and cover him in salves and bandages. Until he demanded they leave so they could have their privacy… 

“Hey, stranger,” a familiar voice hummed and relief swept over her in waves. 

“Suki!” Katara yelped and jumped to her feet to embrace her sister-in-law. 

_Thank, La!_

“How long have you been here? I didn’t hear you come in.” 

Suki gave a dry chuckle. “Of course, you didn’t. You were too busy sitting here staring at the bed like a ghost.” 

The blood drained from her face and it wasn’t lost on Suki. 

“What were you thinking about?” Suki asked softly, concern woven in her words. 

“I—“ 

“Oh Gods!” Ty Lee cried. “We forgot!” 

“Forgot what?” Suki asked and approached the acrobat turned Kyoshi Warrior. 

“Something blue! We forgot _something blue_! We have something old, something new, and something borrowed, but we forgot blue!” 

Katara rolled her eyes at the irony. Of course, they forgot something blue. 

Everyone began sprinting around the room, rummaging through the closets and the drawers; some even bolted into the hallway to scavenge through other rooms in search of something blue. 

They could look all they wanted but Katara seriously doubted they would find something blue in this palace. They would find the Blue Spirit first. 

“Does anyone have something blue to spare?” Suki asked, glancing around the room. 

Katara could have kicked her for asking such a ridiculous question. What woman from the Tribes _wouldn’t_ have something blue? The waterbender in a blue dress would have _something blue_. 

“I do,” she finally said, peering down at the accessory on her wrist.   

Everyone froze at the sound of her voice. 

She wasn’t sure they would even accept it. If they didn’t, she wouldn’t blame them. Katara wasn’t even sure herself if she could stomach a token from the girl who stole a piece of her fiancé while she was in prison. Were the roles reversed, Katara wasn’t sure how she would act or if she would be able to be as passive or as graceful as Mai was being. However, Mai was trained to merely stand still and look pretty. It wasn’t her place to ask questions or make a scene. 

Reaching into her long bell-sleeves, she slipped a bracelet made of tiny sapphires off her wrist. “It isn’t much but it is all I have…” 

No one moved to take the bracelet from the waterbender. The women, even Ty Lee, stared at Katara with uncertainly. Ultimately, it would be Mai’s decision of whether or not the offering was acceptable. 

“No, Katara, it’s perfect. Thank you,” Mai insisted and motioned for one of the servants to take the bracelet for her. 

Katara placed the bracelet in the servant’s hand and she moved back to Mai’s side where she wrapped it around her pale wrist. 

More and more people were entering the room to see the bride before the big ceremony and Katara suddenly felt like she couldn’t breathe. It was too much. That room, this palace, her bracelet, her memories, _something blue_ , it was all too much. 

“Apologize to Mai for me. I can’t stay in here anymore,” Katara whispered to Suki. 

“Is everything okay?” Suki asked, concern marring her features. 

“Yeah it is just the situation and… _this room_ …” 

“Excuse me?” 

“Nothing. Just tell Mai and Ty Lee I will see them at the ceremony.” 

Katara couldn’t get out of that room fast enough. She bolted into the hallway and held her sides as if she had been split down the middle and the pressure she applied to her waist would keep her from falling apart. Leaning against the nearest wall, she tried to get a hold of herself. 

“Katara? You okay?” 

Blue eyes shot open to regard the individual addressing her, a man with long brown hair, emerald eyes, and tan skin. It was Haru. 

Straightening her posture, she attempted to regain an air of tranquility. “Yeah, I’m fine. I was just sitting in a really uncomfortable chair.” 

She wasn’t a cool liar but she hoped it would be enough for Haru. 

“But never mind that. How are you? How have you been?” she cried, attempting to change the subject and tone with an embrace. It must have worked because he took the bait without hesitation. 

“I’m great! Everything is going really well back home.” 

“How are your parents?” 

“Fine. They are getting older, of course, but other than that they are fine.” 

“That’s good. I’m glad to hear that.” Katara smiled. 

Haru nodded. “Well I’m about to try to find a seat. Are you sure you are all right? You look pale… Do I need to get someone?” 

“Yeah. I’m sure. Have you seen Sokka or Aang? ” 

“I haven’t seen Sokka but I saw Aang. He was with Zuko.” 

“Where is he—Zuko?” his name hung heavy on her tongue, foreign yet sweet, a taste long forgotten. Saying his name said aloud was like being stung by a scorpionbee. She couldn’t remember the last time she uttered it. She had been forced to treat it like a curse word for so long… 

“He was wandering around the west wing talking to his guests. He should still be there.” 

“Okay. Thank you,” she replied desolately. “I’ll see you at the ceremony.” 

Katara stumbled away before he could ask her any other questions and before she lost her fleeting composure again. She flowed silently down the halls, through the sea of people, occasionally asking for the Avatar or the Fire Lord. One lead led to another until she was sure she was going in circles. She was a few seconds from abandoning her quest and going to find a seat by Haru. 

“Master Katara?” 

Katara jumped and turned to address the voice. Golden eyes-- but not the gold she was accustomed to-- met her. The gold in these eyes was duller, darker. 

“Are you lost?” Iroh asked gently. 

“Um…I was looking for Aang… Do you know where he is?” 

“I don’t, but he was with Zuko last I saw him. Zuko has retreated to his study again. I think the crowd was too much for him but Avatar Aang may still be with him. I’ll escort you there.” 

Before Katara could object, Iroh was leading her down an almost familiar corridor. 

“This is the room. Just let yourself in. I’m sure Zuko won’t mind.” 

Katara hesitated, her hand almost rising to knock but continued to fall short. 

“I know this must be hard for you,” Iroh said lowly. “I also know that you aren’t the scourge they made you out to be. I know you truly cared for my nephew.” 

Katara stared holes into the door as she listened quietly. 

“And I know that he loves you.” Iroh placed a heavy hand on her shoulder. “Sacrifice can be the purest, most perfect act of love because it is selfless. It shows how much another truly means to you. When you love someone enough to put your own feelings and selfishness aside, to me, that is the most perfect act of love and that is the kind of love Zuko had for the Fire Nation, and for you.”   

Timidly, Katara patted Iroh’s hand and smiled back at him in silent appreciation. 

“However, sacrifice is also a painful, bitter, enduring act. It is as bitter as it is sweet but there is no misinterpreting its meaning.” Iroh’s hand slipped off her shoulder. “I will go look for Avatar Aang outside in case he isn’t with Zuko. I will let you two have your privacy.” 

“Oh, um, that’s not…” she trailed off but Iroh was already gone to address other matters and giving someone else directions. This palace was a madhouse. 

What if Aang wasn’t inside? What if he was? Either way could she face Zuko? Could she do this? 

“Aang, you better be inside,” she hissed under her breath and knocked on the door quickly as if it would prick her if her knuckles dwelled on its surface for too long. 

_“Enter.”_  

Katara swallowed hard. That voice didn’t belong to Aang. That raspy voice belonged to a banished prince, a firebender, the Firebending Master who helped the Avatar save the world, her old lover, the Fire Lord. 

Pushed by a force bigger than her, she did as he commanded. She entered. 

The Fire Lord was inside and he was alone. There wasn’t an airbender to be seen. At that moment, she was the only visitor. 

For a moment, she eyed the man skeptically to make sure he was indeed who she though he was. He was pacing around, reading a piece of parchment, fully coated in formal robes of crimson, his black hair in a top knot atop his head complete with the crown of the Fire Lord. He turned to pace in another direction, revealing the scarred side of his face and she knew. It was Zuko, not her Zuko but Zuko nonetheless. 

Her Zuko didn’t wear the lengthy robes or wear crowns in his hair. Her Zuko wore ruby tunics outlined in gold and had shaggy hair that framed his face… Her Zuko didn’t fit in the Fire Lord’s robes so well. What had once been so loose and oversized now fit him like a glove… 

Sighing heavily, Zuko tossed the parchment onto a nearby chair and prepared to deal with the person who had violated his privacy. 

Clearly a bit irritated, he turned to address his visitor but froze in place. 

Zuko’s jaw went slack and his eyes widened as all the air was sucked out of the room. 

Tears swelled in her eyes at the sight of him, when those golden eyes bore into hers. “Hi…” she said so softly she wasn’t even sure if it she uttered it aloud. 

Zuko swallowed hard. “…Hi.” 

“You just missed Aang,” he quickly added when silence consumed the room, his tone turning stony and professional. “He just left to go find you…” 

Katara laughed a little. “I figured…”  

“I—“ He cleared his throat. “It’s been a long time.” 

“A few years…” she concurred although she didn’t know the exact time frame. It had probably been longer than _a few_ but she stopped paying attention. It was best not to dwell on it. It was safer that way. All she knew was that the last time she saw him they were pretending to be friends, two people who had learned to have a peaceful coexistence; like the sun and the moon. 

Katara folded her arms in front of her and began nervously sliding her hands over each other.   

Sensing her nerves and unease, Zuko grabbed her hands, forcing her to stop her fidgeting. 

His hand was warm and stirred something inside her that she thought dead. 

“I’ve missed you.” His voice was soothing, gentle, like a small flame. 

Despite her better judgment, she went to him. She collided into him so she could embrace him like she wanted to the moment she laid eyes on him again. It was the last thing she needed to do but she wanted nothing more. 

Zuko didn’t disappoint her. He held her just as she wanted him to, just like he always had. It was just as she remembered. His arms wound around her and he rested his head on hers. She noticed it took his head longer to reach hers. He was bigger now than he had been the last time he held her. 

She clung to his robes, fisting the fabric so tightly her knuckles turned white, wishing, not for the first time, that things were different and that, somehow, they could have been together, that this could be their wedding day. 

But even in her wildest fantasies, it would have never worked. She couldn’t be a Fire Lady; Zuko couldn’t be a peasant. She couldn’t live in the Fire Nation; Zuko couldn’t leave the Fire Nation. And she couldn’t be what Mai was or love him like she could. The world just wasn’t ready for a relationship like theirs. In another time or another life maybe but not this one. They were just too different but that didn’t stop her from falling in love with him and wishing that they weren’t too different to work. But what she wished for wouldn’t come true. She would have to live with that. 

His sweet, smoky scent filled her nose and heat radiated off him in waves. She was suffocating again. All of this was harder than she thought it would be. She thought she would blaze through this like she had everything else after the war ended but this was different. 

Whoever said that time healed all wounds was full of it. Time didn’t heal all her wounds. Time could never heal this wound. There would always be something that would be rough enough to tear the scab off again. This wound would be as lasting as the scars on Zuko’s face and chest. The only difference was that hers weren’t visible. 

She had gone beyond her means to attend this wedding. She had delved in the past too long, gotten to close to the fire literally and figuratively and she had hurt herself. 

Pulling away, she began wiping her tears and attempting to fix her appearance. 

“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have—“ she began and realized she couldn’t finish. “I... I just—“ 

“Katara…” he hummed her name beautifully and it broke her heart, hearing it fall from his lips. He still said her name as if it were something special, something that should be respected and cherished. 

“I—“ 

“No,” she snapped adamant and looked up at him. “No… I didn’t come here to rehash the past.” 

Katara reached up and cupped his face in her hands, her fingertips grazing his scar. She touched it before she could stop herself but he didn’t budge or flinch. He was still okay with her touching it and she was relieved. 

“Before… Before there was a me and you, I always thought love was black and white. That it would be easy and that I would know it the instant I felt it.” She took a deep breath to compose herself and reel back the tears. “But then there was you.” 

She laughed in spite of herself, a pitiful sad yet happy sound like the falling of a lone feather from a sparrowkeet’s wing. “And I learned that there are many different ways to love someone and to show that you love someone.” 

Zuko was mute but his jaw was clenched, his hands caressing her wrists, his eyes wandering the expanse of her face as if he were trying to memorize every crease, every contour of her features, trying to permanently engrave her into his corneas. 

“And just because I wasn’t able to show it in the traditional way, in the way that we wanted, in the way that we wished for, that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you.” The tears she had tried so hard to contain began falling again. 

His eyes closed, flinching as though he were struck. 

“Sometimes, an act of love has to be sacrifice and I have been reminded of that _all day today._ That is what your mother did for you and what mine did for me…and what you did for me when you saved my life.” 

Katara sighed then cocked her head and smiled up at him. “And if what you need, what _everyone_ needs, is for me to make a sacrifice and let go, then I will every single time that I have to. I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again today.”   

She caressed the side of his face and ran her thumbs along the corners of his lips before she leaned in and kissed his cheek. 

_“Knock, knock, Sweetness!”_  

Katara cringed and Zuko reeled away from her. 

“No hogging the groom! Save some for the rest of us.” the voice boomed and grew closer before the door was busted in. 

“Hi, Toph. Thanks for coming,” Zuko greeted, finding his composure quicker than Katara. 

“Sure thing, Sparky,” Toph said dismissively, waving her hand around. “I wouldn’t have missed it.” 

There was some sort of underling implication with the small earthbender’s words but neither Zuko nor Katara chose to dwell on it or acknowledge it. 

“Don’t I get a hello, Sugar Queen?”

“Hello, Toph.” 

Katara gazed back at Zuko. “I’ll see you at the ceremony.” 

A bit quicker than normal, Katara darted out of the room so she could regain the ability to breathe and stop crying like the hopeless baby the Ember Island Players made her out to be. 

“Katara! Wait up!” 

Katara waited and waited for the snide remarks to ensue. 

“I wasn’t too late, was I? You didn’t do anything you shouldn’t, did you?” 

“No, Toph, I didn’t do anything.” 

“Good. I would hate to miss the show. You got your Zuko stealing face on?” 

Katara sighed heavily and shook her head although she knew Toph couldn’t see it. 

“I wouldn’t know much about your face but I’m just gonna assume you have it on since that is probably the only face you have.” Toph beamed, proud of her wit. 

Katara remained silent. 

“I’m glad you haven’t tried anything yet but when you do, just know, I got your back.” Toph threw a fist into her open palm. 

“That won’t be necessary,” Katara said softly yet steely. 

“These are the jokes, sugar queen,” Toph said, crossing her arms, clearly frustrated the waterbender wasn’t laughing or yelling defensively like she normally did when she teased her about the Fire Lord. 

Toph sighed. Katara could tell she was finally going to take the hint that she wasn’t in the mood for jokes, especially jokes on a very sensitive subject. She knew Toph, like everyone else, thought she was well enough to grin and bear this as if nothing had ever happened. After all, it had been years and it was true. Katara had accepted what happened a long time ago and had effectively moved on as Zuko had but this day and everything it stood for was proving to be superior to her iron will. It was just like losing him all over again. 

Katara had known for a long time, maybe even before it began, that she would never be with Zuko. But the wedding would cement that fact. There was solace in the fact that he wasn’t married and that though she would never act on it and even if she did, nothing would come of it, he _could_ come back to her. No matter what happened, no matter how much time passed, as long as he was technically single, a part of her would always think of him coming back to her or getting one more caress, one more kiss, one more night with him. The foolish little girl inside her who believed in fairy tales would occasionally think that way but not anymore. There wasn’t even fallen, demented hope now. It would be fact. Zuko would be Mai’s, officially. There would be no room for her not even in her fantasies or her dreams. 

“Have you seen Mai?” Toph inquired as they walked the bloodstained halls. 

“Yes. I went to see her first. I even gave her something blue.” 

Toph laughed. “Oh, that is rich! I couldn’t have planned that out any better myself! See, this is why I came! The drama is just too good to pass up!” 

Katara slowed when they passed the room the bride still resided in. They were doing the finishing touches. Mai was now in a creamy kimono, a face layered in rouge and everything seemed to be in order from where she was standing but they continued to fuss over her and add more to the human canvas. 

“Are you jealous?” Toph asked, her tone sincere instead of snide. 

“No. I’m just sad.” 

“Was she nice?” 

“Very.” 

“Does she know?” 

“She knows,” Katara confirmed matter-of-factly. 

“Is she nice to you to save face or because she just doesn’t care anymore?”   

Katara shrugged. 

“Either way I can tell you think she is a fool for tolerating you even if it does save you the embarrassment of being run out of the Fire Nation branded the Fire Lord’s war mistress.” 

Katara contemplated asking Toph how she knew that but refrained.  

“I know why she is nice to you,” Toph stated. 

“Why?” she took the bait. 

“The same reason you are nice to her, Zuko. She knows Zuko would fry her on the spot for speaking unkindly of you. He won’t let anyone dishonor anyone he loves, and he loves you.” 

“Is this your weird, round about way of making me feel better?” 

“Maybe. Is it working?” 

Katara chuckled. “A little.” 

“Seriously, are you okay?” Toph asked as gently as she could. “I can’t relate or even begin to fathom what all this is like for you but like I said earlier, I have your back.” 

Katara embraced her. “Thank you, Toph. I’m glad you are here.” 

Toph sighed and tried to worm her way out of Katara’s affections. She could only handle so much. “Okay. Okay. I love you too but enough.” 

Smiling, Katara released her. 

“Where is Twinkle toes? How is he handling all this? The place is still standing so I’m assuming he hasn’t been pressured into Avatar State yet.”  

Katara shook her head, forgetting that Toph was blind. “Aang is fine. If he is upset, he isn’t letting on. Everyone has moved on and we are ignoring it like we always have and trying to act like adults…everyone that is, except you.”  

“Must be nice having Zuko cloak your sins for you so that both of you can go on with your lives with other people as if what happened during the war never happened at all.” 

_Yeah. It is just wonderful being the Fire Lord’s dirty little secret…_

* * *

There was a wide arrange of guests. Some were Earth Kingdom, a few were Water Tribe, but most, of course, were Fire Nation. 

The White Lotus was there, some former Freedom Fighters, and Sokka was pleased to see that the Boulder made an appearance. 

Team Avatar got their own table near the front of the decorated pavilion as honorary guests. Aang was to her left, silent and stoic. Toph was to her right, fidgeting in her dress. And finally, Suki and Sokka were seated across from her. 

Her brother was snorting down Fire Nation cuisine like a hog-monkey across from her. Katara was about to chastise him but Suki beat her to it, hitting him upside the head and harshly whispering something only they could hear. 

Sokka swallowed thickly, looking at Suki like a scolded child with noodles dangling from his mouth. All at once, he slurped up what was still in his mouth then proceeded to take smaller, daintier bites. 

Suki smiled at him, pleased with the adjustment and silently voicing her approval. 

“Are you not going to eat?” Aang inquired softly. 

“I’m not hungry.” 

_“I’m not hungry,” he snapped._

_“You need to eat something, Zuko,” she chided._

_“I’m not hungry.” He shoved the food away and pinched the bridge of his nose._

_Katara sighed. It was no use when he was like this._

_“You try eating with lightning in your bones.” Zuko shuddered._

_“Okay. You win. You don’t have to eat right now,” she surrendered and motioned for the servant to take the tray away._

_The servant placed the tray on a nearby chest of drawers and Katara inched towards him. His breath was still short and he wasn’t saying anything about his chest aching but she knew **everything** probably hurt so it would be hard to specify. However, she was pretty sure there was still some pretty substantial damage._

_“I think you still have internal problems. I probably need to look over you again...”_

_“Stop. If you or anyone else touches me again—“_

_“Zuko, do you want to get better?”_

_“Yes, but I’m so sore I can’t stand it. Just…give me a moment…” He hauled his good arm over his eyes._

_“I’m sorry. I didn’t think of it that way.” As a healer, Katara’s first instinct was to get rid of the injuries, get rid of the ailment, heal until they are better and she often forgot how the person **being** healed felt. She didn’t think of how sore Zuko was and how tired he was of having hands on him._

_Katara had worked on lightning injuries before with Aang after Ba Sing Se fell but he never complained. That was another issue entirely and Aang’s injuries were more emotional than physical. Aang probably wouldn’t complain in the first place though. Aang wasn’t Zuko. She had to remind herself of this._

_She reached out to touch him, not to find an injury or to heal him, but just to touch him, just to feel the smooth alabaster of his skin. Timidly, her fingertips ran along the flesh that cloaked his abdomen._

_Zuko’s arm shifted and eyes shot open. Her hand retracted instantly as if she were the one being electrocuted now._

_“I-I just wanted to. I wasn’t going to…” The power of speech eluded her._

_He smirked at her, a knowing expression on his face. His hand slipped up her arm to her face. Warmth pooled in her belly as his hand flattened against her cheek. Instinctively, she closed her eyes and leaned into his touch._

_Zuko was here. He was alive. He would be the new Fire Lord. Aang had probably defeated the Ozai by now and he would come back and everything would be okay…_

_Before she knew what was happening, he had pulled her down onto the bed and she resting on his chest, holding onto him for dear life. He had almost died in order to save her. The last hope for the Fire Nation was almost lost because of a Water Tribe peasant. Zuko did truly love her and she loved him. She knew that now but she would never voice it. It would go to the grave with her._

_Conforming around him and inching closer, she could tell his breathing was even but short. It probably pained him to have her on him like this but he was holding her in a way that suggested he wouldn’t let her up any time soon._

_Katara knew the routine, the pattern. He wanted her there and she would be there as long as he wanted, as long as he needed. She basked in that moment for she knew it was fleeting. There wouldn’t be many more like them. Eventually, he would stop reaching for her and hoarsely calling for her to come to his side. He would stop needing her healing abilities. He would stop needing her in his bed._

_She favored the word 'need' because she wanted to hold onto the idea that he would always want her regardless. Saying that he didn’t need her was one thing but not wanting her was another…_

_Zuko snatched her chin and angled her face up toward his. Their eyes mated and she smiled warmly up at him and he lazily smiled back. Seconds later, he was kissing her. Boldly, he hauled her onto his lap, causing her hair to curtain all around him. His hands were working up and down the length of her back, lingering in her hair._

_Soon after that his hands had ushered off her clothing until she was let in nothing but her bindings. Then she was kissing down the wound that saved her life and helping him out of his pants. Not long after that they were tangled up in one another in a sea of sweat, blood, red blankets, and bandages, an unholy mix that would be forever engraved into her memory. A night of sighs, tears, gasps, and gritted teeth, coiling limbs, mangled, mingling flesh, promises, and blasphemy._

“You should try to eat something,” Aang said, bringing her back to reality. Instinctively, she chewed on her bottom lip, clawing at fading memories and trying to remember how he tasted, how he felt beneath her and on top of her… 

“I’m not hungry,” she repeated. 

Katara was sure they all knew why she wasn’t hungry. They heard the rumors. Aang had heard the confessions straight from her lips. Zuko had been honest with Sokka even though it earned him a busted lip. Suki saw them together in the vacant, lamented room on Ember Island, and Toph felt the lies they told long after the bloody streaks Sozin’s Comet carved into the sky faded. 

It wasn’t a secret. Not anymore but that didn’t keep everyone from acting like it was. Again, Toph was the only one to breathe a word of it anymore but most of it died with the war, she and Zuko saw to that. They kept it safe and concealed and most of their secrets would remain quiet things that no one would ever know. 

Instinctively, Katara glanced across the room at her father. She often wondered if he had been disappointed in her for acting the way she had, for confronting a beast she knew she could never conquer, for trekking too far into hazardous water. She had been young and careless but if she had it to do all over again, she would do it no differently. She accepted the consequences for what she had done. 

By the time the vows started, not only did Katara no longer have an appetite; she was downright nauseous. They seemed to go on forever and there were several times she wanted to lean over and ask Toph if Zuko was lying. She wanted to but she didn’t. 

Aang grabbed her hand halfway through and she laced their fingers. Katara looked up into his unique gray eyes and smiled fondly at him. She loved Aang, she did, truly but they both knew he could only have so much of her. A piece of her would always be with Zuko. They accepted it and had moved on from it as a couple. They did their best not to let their past impact their future, but some days were harder than others. Today would likely be one of the hardest but it would likely be downhill for them from here. 

When it was time for Zuko to verbally hand himself over forever, Katara was practically falling apart. She wanted to scream. She wanted to say that Zuko couldn’t marry Mai because she loved him. She wanted to say that he couldn’t marry her not when he cared for her. She wanted to say that even though they were impossible, they were meant to be together. 

That was what she wanted to say. It might have even been what she should have said but she didn’t. Katara held her tongue and prepared to relive her sacrifice. She surrendered him to Mai, again. She gave him to her once before and she was pretty sure she could do it again… 

_Katara was sure that Mai could probably smell her on his skin as she hugged him. She was also sure that Zuko could probably still **feel** her on his skin. They had been asleep in his bed together not too long ago…_

_Mai was back, released from prison and seeing her was a wake up call, a bitter reminder of what was and what should never be._

_She was helping him into his robe because he was still sore and stiff. Katara knew because she had helped him into that same robe the day before. Then she was kissing him and he tasted like cinnamon and honeyed smoke. Katara knew because she had kissed him before she went to see if Aang had returned yet. Then he was holding her and his chest was warm against her, like a blanket that had been left in the sun all afternoon. Katara knew because she had spent the night on that chest, bare, hot, and slick against her own stripped form…_

_It hurt although she saw it coming. It hurt although she saw their ending as they began but what probably hurt the most was that they looked **right** together. Their skin didn’t contrast; their worlds, their heritage, their culture was the same… They could be together and sync up in a way that they never could._

_That was when it hit her; **really** hit her. It hit her hard, so hard she reeled back into a wall as if she had been slapped, almost taking a vase and a tablecloth with her to the ground._

_They could never be together. They could only be together in the dark, in the quiet places where the world couldn’t find them. She could be with the banished prince who had no obligation, she could be with the Firebender, but she couldn’t be with the Fire Lord and Zuko was going to be the new Fire Lord._

_Hearing the rustling of clothes and the clink of heels on wooden flooring, Katara sprinted into the corridor. She hid, waiting for Mai to get far enough away so she could go back into the room to see Zuko._

_Once Mai was gone, Katara entered the room._

_Zuko was still in front of the balcony outlined in thick, crimson curtains. His hands were resting on the wooden railing as he stared out into the city._

_“How are you feeling?” she asked and watched him visibly stiffen then grimace. It had been a long time since he reacted to her voice like that…_

_“F-Fine,” he choked out._

_She had been stupid. She had been naïve. She was a fool to think this could somehow magically work, that she could somehow come in and take the job of a noble woman when she was nothing but a peasant, that he could run off to the South Pole or into the Earth Kingdom with her and leave behind any obligation and responsibility he had to his depraved nation. She was stupid to think they could somehow end up together… No, that kind of thinking was the foolishness fairy tales were made of…_

_“I saw. You can drop the act. I know what happens now.”_

_“No, it isn’t like that. You aren’t—She isn’t— Don’t think that-- Katara…” He gazed back at her and that was his mistake. He was sucked right back in and whatever resolve he had obtained when he was reunited with Mai crumbled around them, shattering and ripping their flesh apart as it fell._

_Her arms looped around his neck and she kissed him. He hesitated at first, his resolve attempting to reestablish itself but it quickly crumbled again. He kissed her hard. It was forceful and desperate and passionate and intense. His arms wound round her waist and her body was pulled flush to his as if to make them one person, as if it could weld them together so the inevitability of their parting could somehow be avoided._

_“You love me…” she sobbed against his mouth as he continued raining kisses over her cheek, neck, and forehead. She stated it as if she had finally obtained her confirmation, as if the fact that he loved her could somehow make everything right. Wasn’t it supposed to? Wasn’t love supposed to be the remedy to everything? Didn’t saying those three simple words fix everything?_

_“You love me,” she raved, having temporarily lost her mind, going as mad as Azula in her heartbreak._

_“You love me…” she closed her eyes, tears rolling down her cheeks as she slung her head back in agony, elation, and every other kind contradicting emotion one could think of. Zuko held her and buried his face into her neck. Were he not holding her she would have crumpled to the ground in a heap by now._

_“Of course, I love you!” he wailed, crying those three words for the first time, pulling away and grasping her shoulders so tightly it hurt. “I love you so much I could forget any obligations I have to my throne, my people, and my country. I love you so much I forget about…” he didn’t say her name. He didn’t have to. “But I can’t forget about any of that, Katara…” he growled in frustration, hauling himself away from her to glare out at his country again. The one thing in the world he loved more than her…_

_“I can’t do that even for you… I would take lightning for you one thousand times over but I can’t fight what is in my blood and what is best for the Fire Nation… We both know that you could never be Fire Lady, **would** never be Fire Lady. Asking you to marry me would be like asking a bird if you could pluck its wings and I love you too much to do that to you. ”_

_“I know.” Katara nodded and wiped the tears that streamed down her cheeks. Her sanity was finally returning to her. She suddenly had reality and her emotions by the reigns again but the stability was fleeting and didn’t ease the pain she felt. “We’ve discussed this before but you do know that I would marry you if I could, don’t you?”_

_Zuko held his head down, his fingers clawing at the railing in aguish and said…_

“I do.” 

The words rang louder than the clapping and cheering around her ever could. She stared holes in the tablecloth to keep herself from looking at the loving expression on Zuko’s face, to keep herself from seeing him kiss her. 

Toph had to elbow her in the side to coax her into clapping half-heartedly.

* * *

Halfway through the reception, she was sure this day would never end. Eyes fluttering from exhaustion, she leaned against Aang’s towering form for support. His bright robes inhibited her vision and his fingers were entwined with hers. It helped. 

Even from behind Aang’s form, she could see Zuko’s eyes narrow when they landed on them. He probably didn’t care for the public display of affection but if she could stomach him getting married, he could stomach her using Aang to ease the ache in her chest and the misery in her soul. 

Loving Aang had come easier but it wasn’t as potent as loving Zuko had been. The difference between fire and air she supposed. Fire burned and consumed and left lasting marks and the marks Zuko left on her were permanent. 

Eventually, Zuko left and Katara knew he had gone off to isolate himself somewhere. 

“Go on,” Aang whispered. 

“What?” Katara asked softly, looking up at him expectantly, her eyes swimming with confusion. 

“I know you want to say goodbye to him. Now is your chance. Go.” 

“Aang… I can’t— I don’t know if--” 

Aang took her and hand kissed it gently. “It’s fine. I promise. I’ll be here when you come back.”

Slowly, Katara nodded and touched his cheek. It was cool and smooth and there was no scar… Katara found a solace and a pain in that fact. 

“Thank you,” she breathed before she wrapped her arms around him and gave him a quick kiss.

* * *

“It was lovely,” Katara said, approaching the Fire Lord quietly. 

As expected, he had wandered off to be by himself with a glass of rich wine in his hand. He was leaned over the railing and staring out at nothing. 

“Not something I would want for my wedding day but it was still very nice,” she continued.   

“I’m sorry it wasn’t up to your standards,” he teased, swirling the red fluid around in his wine glass. 

Katara shrugged. “I guess I can forgive you.” She tried to make a joke but failed miserably. 

Quietly, she stood next to him. She didn’t know what else to do except offer her his company as she had in the palace after Mai returned. 

Zuko took in a deep breath. “And I’m sorry I couldn’t give you the wedding you wanted.” 

“Don’t…” she warned. 

“This was all I had to offer.” He laughed bitterly. “I always thought it would be enough to impress any girl I wanted, then you came along. Of course, I never planned on having to impress a Water Tribe peasant.”

Katara’s eyes narrowed. “Well I never wanted the banished prince’s attention.” She folded her arms over her chest in aggravation. 

“I remember.” Zuko gave another tart chuckle. “I remember how much you hated me.” 

Oh, what she would give to be able to hate him that much now… Life was easier when she hated him, before she forgave him, before he touched her, before her curiosity of who was underneath the scar became too great. 

“I should have just let you hate me. I should have left well enough alone but I… I couldn’t stand you hating me. For some reason, I cared what you thought of me and sought out to make amends but ended up making an even bigger mess…” 

“I didn’t stop you.” 

Zuko smirked. 

Sometimes it was like they were still battling one another. It was a game to see who could best whom and in his eyes, winning her love had been a victory. However, Katara saw it as the analogy Aang used before they went after Yon Rha, before everything changed. This particular victory for Zuko was like a two-headed rat viper. Yes, he had won her over and had taken her down but he had poisoned himself in the process. 

The Fire Lord straightened his posture and pried himself away from the railing. “True, but I assume you didn’t come here to talk about the past. You’re here to say goodbye.” 

Katara nodded. 

“Come here,” he said as he walked towards her. 

Katara instinctively took a step back. 

“Come here,” he repeated more sternly. “I just want to say goodbye.” 

She stood still and closed her eyes as if she were waiting to be burned. She felt his arms around her again. He held her close and she felt the contrast between his body and Aang’s. Aang was lithe but Zuko was sturdy… 

Zuko shook his head, dejectedly. “I love you.” 

“I know,” she whispered, rubbing her tears away on his robes. 

Stubbornly and despite how much it hurt, she kept her promise to herself. She loved him but she would never say it out loud. She would take it to the grave with her. 

“Say it, Katara,” Zuko scolded and Katara frowned. 

Zuko grabbed her chin and wretched her head up. “Say it.” 

Adamant, Katara yanked her head out of his grip and looked away.   

“Say it; if not for yourself then for me. Say it so I can have some peace of mind and know that what we had was real. Can you give me that much?” 

She chewed on her lip for a long moment; terrified that someone would stumble upon them in this intimate position. 

“I… I…” Her breath grew spurs and lodged in her throat. “Zuko…” 

He waited patiently and seemed content to do so as long as it took, subconsciously running his fingers through her hair and along her neck in a daze. 

Her lip trembled and tears were swelling in her eyes again. “I love you.” 

There. She did it. Zuko hadn’t been married twenty-four hours yet and they had already committed verbal adultery. 

Leaning down, she thought he was about to kiss her but he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. His hands dwelled on her neck, caressing her skin tenderly as he held the chaste kiss as long as he could. She could feel him grimacing as if he were in pain and she wanted to take it away, the healer in her begged for her to ease his pain. But she couldn’t. Not this time. This time, she would let go.   

Katara pulled away and grasped his hand in both of hers. His hand was bigger now. She could hold his thumb in one hand while her other hand wrapped securely around his palm. 

“Be happy, Zuko,” she said with a forced smile. “I want you to be happy.” 

Zuko frowned. She wasn’t surprised that he was refusing to force a smile. His smiles were a rarity but when he smiled, it was always sincere but the same couldn’t be said for her. She faked smiles often and she would continue to do so. 

“I’m never happy,” he replied, opening his eyes and leaning into her touch. 

“Be happy, for me? Please?” 

His golden eyes and focused on her, smoldering like dying embers and swirling around like the gold of good fire whisky. 

Zuko sighed, preparing to surrender. “I’ll try.” 

“I love you, Zuko. I’m reminded of that every time we lock eyes but I have to let go and I need you to let me… You sacrificed yourself for me once…let me do the same for you.” 

Swallowing hard, Zuko reluctantly and slowly nodded.   

Katara smiled, genuinely but with the sweetest sadness glowing in her eyes. Bringing his hand to her lips, she gave it a quick kiss. She patted his hand and slipped her fingers out of his grip. He squeezed her hand tightly, holding on until the last possible moment, keeping her hand in his as long as he could. 

Once her lips left his hand and her fingers slipped away, she left. She left briskly and quickly before she talked herself into doing something she shouldn’t, before he had the chance to stop her. 

If the most perfect act of love was sacrifice, then she would let him go. She would return the favor and sacrifice her feelings for him just as he had sacrificed his life for her, just as she had sacrificed her bracelet so Mai could have something blue. If the most perfect act of love was sacrifice, then she would bury her feelings for him. If the most perfect act of love was sacrifice, she would let him go.


End file.
